


I’m desperate to run, I’m desperate to leave

by strawberryjunhee



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Depression, Dialogue Heavy, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryjunhee/pseuds/strawberryjunhee
Summary: "So, do you have any idea where we are going?"Junhee shook his head. "I just plan on walking around, see where we end up." Grabbing a drawstring bag, Sehyoon stuffed two extra jackets in there and a small flashlight."What do you plan on doing if we get lost?" Sehyoon sighed. What was up with Jun? This wasn't like him the slightest."Does it matter?" Junhee whispered. Before he could confront Jun on whatever that meant, the Komodo dragon already began talking again."That's why we have phones."A surprising adventure in the early hours of the morning causes Sehyoon to realize that Junhee isn't acting like himself anymore.





	I’m desperate to run, I’m desperate to leave

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Bang Yongguk's "Drunkenness" which, if you haven't listened to it, go listen to it now. It is so heartfelt. The story idea came to me and my brain wouldn't stop screaming until I wrote it.  
> So, here come the warnings.  
> Suicide is the main one. Although it isn't described in explicit detail, it is still one of the main points in the story. So please be wary of that.  
> Depression is..there? It's directly described, so if that affects you in any way, please tread lightly while reading this.

Sehyoon didn't get scared easily. Even if he was scared, his reaction wasn't exactly extreme, it was rather masked. Whispering next to his ear, in the pitch black, at 1:43 in the morning scared him. A lot. His heart rate increased and his breathing grew rapid. He was too young to die! And he was about to graduate high school, he didn't go through 4 years of hell to die right before graduating!

"Sehyoon? Wake up already" The voice grumbled. 

A murderer wouldn't want him to wake up. Unless they were that sadistic type that wanted their victims awake when they killed them. Then again, how would a murderer know his name? "Who are you? And why are you in my house?"

"It's me, you idiot" Sehyoon's brain finally recognizes the voice, a bit too late. His brain is already failing him, maybe Donghun is right about them getting old. It's Junhee. His painstakingly awkward boyfriend that gets flustered from anything really and will have a heart attack from a surprise tap on the shoulder. Somewhat stiff and doesn't know how to relax at times. "You should lock your window, it's not that hard to get in. I didn't know you were such a heavy sleeper."

Vaguely registering the sound of his bedside lamp being turned on, Sehyoon rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and finally opened them properly. Junhee was sitting at the edge of his bed, arms crossed and face pouty. Wearing only a shirt and shorts, severely underdressed for the cold weather outside. It was better than a murderer, but Sehyoon was just plain confused.

"Are you going to tell me what you're doing here?" Sehyoon yawned, stretching out his arms. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

Junhee bit his lip, a nervous habit. "I got bored and I missed you." Sehyoon gave him an unconvinced look and waited for the younger to continue. "Can we just walk around for a bit? Please?"

"It's 2 in the morning Jun, and we both have school tomorrow" Sehyoon pointed out. His parents wouldn't let him hear the end of it if they found out he snuck out so late. They didn't live in a bad neighborhood, but who knows what could happen? "And you have to be freezing! You're going to catch a cold if you go out like that."

"Isn't it supposed to be me who nags all the time?" Junhee interrupted. 

"Am I not allowed to care about my boyfriend?" Sehyoon responded, reaching out to touch Junhee's hand. Just as he thought, cold to the touch. Junhee glanced down at the blankets, trying to find a proper response. It wasn't like Junhee to do something like this. The younger was always super responsible, never staying up too late, always turning in projects early and being a model citizen in general. No way in hell would Junhee do something like this. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes! I'm fine, everything is great I just-" Junhee cut himself off. "Just need something to clear my head."

Sehyoon wanted to press further, but he knew his limits. "Alright, we have to be back before 6 though." Junhee's eyes brightened significantly, and a large smile was on his face before Sehyoon could retort his statement. "You need better clothes, how did you even walk here in just that?"

"I was in a rush," Junhee said, shrugging. "Some of your clothes should fit me though."

"Did you do this just so you can get one of my hoodies?"

"Maybe."

Sehyoon was able to find Junhee a pair of jeans and a hoodie that fit him, thankfully he did laundry yesterday. The jeans sagged a bit on him, but otherwise, it was fine. Sehyoon brought extra jackets in case it wasn't enough to keep them warm. He kept his eyes on Jun, watching to see if anything could hint what lead to this strange outburst. Nothing so far. "So, do you have any idea where we are going?"

Junhee shook his head. "I just plan on walking around, see where we end up." Grabbing a drawstring bag, Sehyoon stuffed two extra jackets in there and a small flashlight. 

"What do you plan on doing if we get lost?" Sehyoon sighed. What was up with Jun? This wasn't like him the slightest.

"Does it matter?" Junhee whispered. Before he could confront Jun on whatever that meant, the Komodo dragon already began talking again."That's why we have phones."

"And if we go somewhere without service?" Sehyoon continued.

"Then we wing it," Junhee responded, beaming at the elder. "Just trust me, okay?" Junhee gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Who was Sehyoon to deny Junhee anything at this point? 

Both of them exited out of Sehyoon's window. He only had a 1-story house, it wasn't like they were going to break limbs by jumping barely a foot. Frigid air gave Sehyoon an unfriendly wake-up call. 

"You are so energized" Sehyoon noted, focusing on the streetlights in front of them.

"Cold air wakes me up."

A comfortable silence fell over them. The two of them didn't talk much in general. Unless Junhee was prompted or acting in front of people he didn't know, he was quiet. Sehyoon was too. They just fell naturally together. No need to keep a constant conversation. The silence was welcomed. Yuchan says he and Junhee act like a married couple already. He can't say the thought hasn't crossed his brain once or twice. Still, they were young. It's a nice thing to ponder.

Crickets filled the night air with noise. Sehyoon looked towards the houses lining the street. Everyone inside must be sleeping, there were no threats here. He still kept his guard up though. Junhee looked like he was in dreamland and if they got jumped, Sehyoon needed to at least conscious of their surroundings. 

As tempting as crawling back into a bed with warm sheets sounded, Junhee's hand slipped into his own at one point. He could deal with the consequences of getting less than 4 hours of sleep later.

"So, where do you plan on going to college?" Junhee asked. 

That's what this was about, Sehyoon was sure of it. College was always something that Junhee dreaded. There were no universities nearby, the closest one being an hour away. Sehyoon promised he would visit as much as he could, but he wasn't sure. 

"I don't know yet" Sehyoon admitted, squeeing Junhee's hand. "I'll choose the closest one, I know you'll miss me if I don't."

"I want you to do what you want to do" Junhee protested.

"And if I want to stay close to you?" Sehyoon proposed, holding back a smile at the flush in Junhee's cheeks.

"Why are you being so cheesy today?" Junhee whined. 

"Sleep deprivation" Sehyoon shot back. Junhee froze in his movements after that.

"You can always go back" Junhee muttered, hand limp. "You don't have to walk with me."

"And let you be out, at night, alone?" Sehyoon laughed. 

"I can always head home" Junhee's voice sounded strange at the reply. Tight, like going home was the last thing we wanted to do. 

"Don't be silly," Sehyoon said. "I don't mind doing this with you, we haven't had a lot of time to spend together." A lack of dates especially. All the time they spend together is either at lunch, with the rest of their friends. At a shared gum class, which is all the way at the end of the day. Or the walks they have to school together. After Sehyoon decides what university to go to, that time will be gone as well.

They won't be far from each other. But with university comes a heavy workload. Chances are communication will start faltering eventually.

But as of right now, they still had 3 months together, give or take a few weeks. 

"I'm not going to leave you after I go to University" Sehyoon clarified, shivering at the small drop in temperature. "If that's what you're worried about."

 "I'm not worried about anything." Sehyoon held back a comment at that. Maybe Jun wasn't worried about anything. There was still something on his mind. A part of Sehyoon questioned if he wanted to find out. What if the younger wanted to break up? The thought made Sehyoon's eyes water. Breaking up never crossed his brain. They had fights before, that was only natural, but the only thing that crosses his mind in those heated moments is how much of an idiot Junhee is.

That thought passes when they aren't having fights as well.

They left their safe neighborhood at this point. Big business buildings on long stretches of land and the occasional car filled Sehyoon's vision. Junhee hummed, much happier than he was 10 minutes ago. 

"Donghun said he would've murdered Byeongkwan if it wasn't for me," Junhee says into empty air. White smoke escapes his mouth and it melts into the stars painting the sky. "Kind of silly." 

 "Not really," Sehyoon replies. Lights from the buildings cast an eerie glow on the green grass below. The yellow color of the lights makes it seem like the grass is decaying. "I think every friend group has someone like you-" Junhee raises an eyebrow "A leader? In a weird way. You keep us all in check and make sure we are all taking care of ourselves. Like a mom."

"That's Donghun" Junhee retorts, pouting.

"You know what I mean."

"You guys need me then?"

"Yeah, we really kind of do."

"So if I were to..." Junhee's trails off, fingers hanging loosely in Sehyoon's. "If I were to stop that role, you guys would fall into chaos huh?" A weak chuckle escapes Sehyoon. His brain is trying to ignore the sentence his boyfriend cut off. Why would Junhee need to know this? Everyone in their friend group is important. Maybe it's for validation but Junhee has never craved that before. Jun is a sucker for praise, so everyone gives it to him without any requests. But Jun just seems like he yearns it now. 

"I think Donghun would be in jail for murder, Byeongkwan would never leave his house and Yuchan would float up into space" Sehyoon mused.

"What about you?"

"Probably still be where I was when I was 15." 

A proper recollection of that year will never happen for Sehyoon. The constant feeling of numbness, worthlessness, and anger occupied his entire body. Making him lethargic from simple tasks. He can't say Junhee or his friends lifted him out of it, they just helped. Sehyoon needed- _wanted_ to get out of it. It took a bit, and sometimes the thoughts come back. Luring and deceivingly sweet, promising things that seem out of this world only to shatter the ground beneath you in order to provide it. He combats them better now. He is okay now. 

He wonders if he can say the same for Junhee. 

He doesn't know if Junhee ever experienced something like that. As far as Sehyoon knows, Jun is just quiet sometimes. He has a logical outlook on most things, never forgetting the negatives but always acknowledging the positives. A fair balance. Sometimes Junhee breaks down, it's only natural. With tests and high expectations filling the air, it was impossible to not break down once in awhile. He always seems to recover though, quite quickly.

"You should be proud of yourself for getting out of that" Junhee whispers against his ear. Sehyoon nods in agreement. "I love you, you know that right?"

"I love you too" The sentimental moment is ruined by the buzzing of a phone.

"Oh my god, you have email notifications on?" Junhee groaned. "You are such a dad, it physically bothers me."

"Call me daddy then" Sehyoon muttered. Junhee flicked his cheek in return. "That stupid weather apps says it's supposed to rain. Should we head back? I can walk you home."

"No!" Junhee exclaimed, before clamping his free hand over his mouth, eyes darting furiously in between the roads. "I found an abandoned train station somewhere around here, it should provide us enough shelter."

"Did something happen at home Jun?" Sehyoon demanded. The Park family was one of the most functional households in the entire world, as far as Sehyoon is concerned. Jun's parents were the sweetest people, which must be where Junhee gets it from. Although his sisters took a long time to accept Sehyoon. ' _If you hurt him, no one will be able to identify your body. Okay?"_ Over-protective siblings, something Sehyoon could understand perfectly. He had a little sister, anyone hurts her, it's game over. Any conflict in the Park household is usually minor and resolved in minutes. 

"Nope, just want some fresh air!" No room for argument because Junhee is already sprinting across the empty road towards some side streets. Sehyoon rolls his eyes before sprinting after Jun.

 

The train station is in a state of decomposition. Still standing but the materials holding it up are starting to show signs of wear. Junhee talks about how he just stumbled on it one day when he was walking around, how surprised he was that it wasn't demolished yet.

Sehyoon takes one of the jackets from his bag and laid it out on the concrete. They laid down and the rain started soon after. 

"Will you and Donghun need me after you guys face the hardships of a university?" Junhee mumbled into his chest. Rain hit the roof above them, creating a soothing lullaby. 

"Maybe not as much" Sehyoon answered, his hands running through Junhee's hair. "Yuchan and Byeongkwan are big kids, you don't need to be that "leader" all the time okay? They can take care of themselves."

Junhee didn't reply. Sehyoon's racing mind went to a rest for a bit.

Everything was okay.

 

A lot of students were still attending classes despite it being the last week of school. The cafeteria was loud enough to give Sehyoon a headache. He paid dearly for getting less than 30 minutes of sleep last night.

"You both look like you got hit by a truck" Donghun observes. Junhee flicks some green beans towards the eldest. "Don't tell me you two stayed up all night, doing god knows what."

"A pure-minded freshman is sitting right here, can you not?" Byeongkwan complained.

"Pure-minded? Now that's a topic the debate club should have" Donghun joked. Sehyoon was going to miss this a lot. Donghun was going to a separate university and although they both made a promise to keep in touch, it won't be the same. He is going to miss Byeongkwan's loud personality and the casual banter he has with Donghun. Yuchan, despite not seeing the youngest that much, because he has the most intriguing personality in the world. Junhee for obvious reasons.

Growing up was a strange thing. Something that people crave when they are younger and want independence, but once it starts happening, it all seems like too much. "So Mr. Park, how does it feel knowing that you'll have to deal with both Byeongkwan and Yuchan alone next year?"

"I feel like you both are traitors," Junhee said, crossing his arms. "I know for a fact that you guys could've failed a class so you didn't have to graduate this year."

"Now I don't have to deal with you being mushy all the time" Byeongkwan sighed in relief. PDA wasn't very common between Sehyoon and Junhee. Just when Jun was being  _extra_ needy. 

"You guys are coming to the graduation ceremony right?" Sehyoon piped up. Junhee hasn't touched his lunch yet. "You told Chan right?"

"We wouldn't miss it for the world" Junhee soothed, smiling.

He tried not to think about the fact that the smile didn't reach Jun's eyes.

 

The graduation ceremony is filled with congratulations and tears. His mother and father cry and shower him with love, telling him how proud they are. All of his friends and family are there, giving him hugs and pats on the back. Yuchan is beaming at him and Donghun. Byeongkwan is throwing confetti everywhere. Junhee kisses him for a second longer than he normally does.

He was an adult now. Officially an adult. Going to a university. He could drink now. He would have to pay rent now.

"How are you holding up?" Junhee whispered to him.

"It's a weird feeling" Sehyoon confessed, a smile never leaving his face. He felt..lighter. If that made any sense. Proud of what he has gone through and what he did. "It's kind of bittersweet."

"How about we get some ice cream after? So we can make it a little less bitter?" Junhee giggled. 

"Perfect."

Mrs. Park insists they take pictures. Which then triggers at least 10 minutes of awkward poses and painful smiles. 'look over here now!' and 'hold your head up higher!'. Sehyoon really needs ice cream.

Junhee and he get strawberry. Junhee feeds him, which is odd.

"Shush, you just graduated. Let me pamper you for a day." Junhee explained, getting a small chunk of strawberry onto the spoon.

"Is that valid for the entire day? Even at night?" Sehyoon pushed. A graduation high was giving him new confidence.

"If you want it to be." 

It was all heated kisses and low mutterings at night. Junhee looks like himself, somewhat, all lip bites and seductive smiles. Maybe it was because that's what Sehyoon needed that night. Normally, Jun couldn't go for a minute without his cheeks flushing red. The morning after, Junhee just seemed off. During breakfast, which his mother so generously prepared, Jun seemed restless. Fingers being tapped to an uncertain rhythm against the table, eyes never staying in one spot for too long, speech fast and rapid. It just seemed like he was desperate for a distraction, for something to do. 

On the tip of Sehyoon's tongue is the question "are you okay?". Desperation to know and the feeling of needing to help was consuming him. Fear played a factor, however. What if Junhee thinks he is being a burden and just hides it better? Then what good will asking do?

Why was Junhee going through this? And why did it start now?

 

Yuchan's parents own a record store. It was closed today. Unless you were the friends of their youngest son, then it was open all the time. (There was a hidden key in the plant next to the door).

They were in the back room. Bean bags and couches were crammed into the tiny space. Followed by a minifridge and an unholy amount of chips stuffed into small little boxes. It was a rather nice hang out spot.

"Don't start dating until at least your sophomore year" Donghun was giving Yuchan tips on how to not get crushed by high school. "And don't join an excessive amount of clubs, it's just a pain in the ass."

"How much weight do you think we are going to gain our first year, Hun?" Sehyoon asked before laughing. Freshmen 15 was it? He would gain a lot more than 15, that was for sure. 

"30 pounds max," Donghun said. 

"Well, Jun, this will be your true test of love." Yuchan teased. 

"You both need to take care of yourselves," Junhee scolded, giving a pointed glare to Donghun. "Since you won't have me nagging you all the time."

"A true tragedy" Donghun sighed.

They end up joking about the number of late-nighters he and Donghun are going to pull. The number of ramen noodles cups they will consume. Byeongkwan started on a rant about how the roommate situation could be a win-lose situation. Yuchan said he was content in just staying in high school forever after the bad-mouthing university just got. 

"You are going to face all of this next year Jun, do you know where you're going?" Donghun said, taking a sip from a soda bottle.

"No." Junhee shrugs.

"You knew at the beginning of the year" Sehyoon chimes in. Junhee had everything planned out, what university and what minor and major. "Any university would want you, with your grades anyways."

Jun seems unaffected by the compliment. "You can't hold me accountable for anything at the  _beginning_ of the year."

"Don't worry about it that much, you still have time" Donghun adds on, sinking further into the couch. "What about you Byeongkwan? Have any ideas yet?"

Byeongkwan finished his second bag of chips and began talking. He and Yuchan had the metabolism of a monster. The conversation turned into meaningless noise, only a few words registered with Sehyoon's brain. His eyes were focused on Junhee, as they usually were.  _'You look at him like he is the most important thing in the universe, it's obvious that you guys are dating'_ his mother had laughed, holding his hands tight. Luckily, his parents were accepting. ' _He is a good kid, you choose well',_

Sehyoon follows Junhee's gaze. It's focused on the busy street that is viewable from a small window. Cars are going by quickly and if you listen hard, you could hear the shouts of angry drivers. The cars don't stop. Sehyoon is wondering what has Junhee's interest in it.

 

A month into summer, Donghun drags him to the beach. Not to swim or anything, just to admire the scenery. There is a storm coming anyways, swimming was too risky, The waves were rough. A heat wave came through, holding back storms. Now that it was gone, thunder and lightning were predicted all week,

They speak to some fishermen on the pier briefly. Mostly about their catches. It's a simple, insignificant conversation but Sehyoon has a feeling he will reminiscence about it once he moves away. 

"Wanna head to the diner? I'm kind of hungry" Donghun confesses, glancing at the skyline. "Jun will give us a discount."

"I don't think he is there today, something about taking his dogs to the groomer" Sehyoon dismisses. "Mrs. Park will still give us one, she loves you."

"I tease Jun so much I'm surprised she can tolerate me for 'hurting' her sons feeling so much" Donghun snorts.

"Someone needs to keep his ego in check."

The diner close by the pier. It's been there for awhile now, almost a staple for their town. Jun works there, not that he has much of a choice, it's family business after all. The food is great and it feels like home, what more could one ask for. Mrs. Park is ecstatic to see them both, guiding them to a table immediately. She says not to worry about paying for anything. 

"You both are heading out to the real world! This meal is on the house."

They order and sip on the beverages given. Waves crash onto the shore beneath them. Hopefully, they can get home before the storm hits them fully. A married couple sits a few tables away from them. They have a daughter, tugging on her father's sleeve begging for french fries. It creates a warm feeling in his chest. Raising Eunsuh was one thing, but raising a child he could call his own..that was a terrifying and heartwarming thought.

"Have you guys talked about it?" Donghun broke the silence. Sehyoon looks at him in confusion. "Getting married, adopting kids, all that stuff."

"We are still young, I'm not going to rush it," Sehyoon answered. "We..discussed it before. Just not in depth or anything."

"Fair enough." The conversation dropped after that. Sehyoon texted Eunsuh to remind her of curfew. "Has Junhee seemed weird to you these past few weeks?" Yes, thank you. Someone else noticed.

"I tried asking him about it" Donghun continues, cutting up a piece of steak. "He just brushes it off and says he is fine. You and I know him better than anyone, so please, confirm that I'm not crazy and say you noticed it too."

Should he tell Donghun about that weird late-night adventure they had? It seems like that's where it all started. "Yeah, no, he is acting weird. I don't know what's going on."

"It could be just a rough patch" Donghun offers.

Both of them don't believe it. The hesitation in Donghun's voice says that loud enough. It isn't just a "rough patch". Junhee has had though, he gets stubborn and angry when those happen. Too stubborn to change his ways until someone snaps him out of it. Angry at himself for allowing it to be a rough patch. 

"Probably."

 

Junhee came into the restaurant a few minutes after they finished their meals. 

"I didn't know it took half a day to groom two dogs" Donghun called out. Junhee stuck out his tongue at the elder. 

"You would be surprised" Junhee sighed, looking tired. "Enjoy the food?"

"Hard not to, your dad is an expert cook," Sehyoon said, patting his stomach.

"I'll tell him you said that."

"It's a shame the ability to cook wasn't passed down" Donghun smirked. 

"Careful, I can always burn your food next time you come here" Junhee warned, tone playful. 

"I would kill you if you did that."

Junhee shrugged. "I'd let you." His sister called for him from behind the kitchen. "Got to go, close your mouth Yoon, you'll choke on a fly."

Donghun gave him a wary look. 

 

A "bad day" is rare. Sehyoon has days where his patience runs a bit thin. Or days where he just needs to be alone. Those aren't bad days though. A bad day is not leaving his bed and desperately trying to fall asleep so he won't have to face whatever hell was rampaging through his mind. He neglects basic needs like eating or drinking. He just lays in bed, focuses on the crevices in the wall and holds back the sobs that threaten to overtake him.

He is better. He really is. Bad days only happen once or twice every 3 months. He can snap himself out of one occasionally. 

Now, he needs someone. His father is patient, thank god, finally hearing a coherent name through Sehyoon's ragged breathing.

A small, warm hand gently massaged his scalp. Sehyoon tried to focus on that, not the negative thoughts rushing through his brain. "I made you a turkey sandwich and some water. Do you think you can sit up?" 

_Youdon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon't eservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehimyoudon'tdeservehim youdon'tdeservehim_

"Yoonie? Take your time, there is no rush" Junhee murmured. Sehyoon forced himself to take deep breaths. His heart was racing and his body felt numb. Nothing triggered this, it just happened. "Turkey raises happy feelings, it also makes you sleepy. Cuddles will you make you feel better. So, take your time and get up when you can."

"I-I don't deserve y-you" Sehyoon sobbed out. His throat hurt now, 

"Why do you think that?" Junhee inquired.

"I..I'm worthless, why do I deserve anything" Sehyoon had slightly better control of his breathing. "I don't contribute anything."

"You make my day better, am I not considered something?" Junhee whispered, voice teasing slightly.

"Y-you are!" Sehyoon protested.

"People who contribute to  _anything_ to something deserve at least tiny things then!"

 

It took another hour to coax Sehyoon out of the bed to eat. Junhee calmly waited for Sehyoon to sit up. He cut the sandwiches into 4 pieces, cute.

"I'm sorry for all of this" Sehyoon apologized profusely. His heart felt heavy.

"It's part of you," Junhee said, smiling. "If loving you means helping you through this, I'll take it."

 

Byeongkwan was throwing popcorn at Donghun's TV while Yuchan loudly voiced his complaints on how stupid the superhero is. 1 month, 3 weeks, and 2 days until he has to leave his hometown and everyone in it. Wow, that sounds dramatic. He is only going 2 hours away. 

"Stop fucking monologuing and kill the guy!" Donghun groaned. 

"Language! there are children here" Junhee chastised. The wind was howling outside, rain pounding against the windows and the sun seemed to be hidden behind thick, grey clouds. Sehyoon actually wanted to drag them to the skate park today. Just as they were about to leave, a downpour occurred. ' _I guess Mother Nature doesn't like skateparks'._

"Why do they give them like a week to find the victims?" Byeongkwan complained, flinging two more popcorn kernels towards the innocent TV screen. "If you want to kill them so badly, just do it!"

"Superhero movies are so dumb, but it was the only thing that looked remotely interesting" Yuchan agreed. 

"Doc McStuffins would be more entertaining than this" Sehyoon grumbled. 

Junhee fell asleep on his shoulder mid-way through the movie.

It was a good day.

 

"And right there is Gemini, my sign" Junhee pointed at the night sky, gently directing Sehyoon's sight to the constellation above them. 

"Do they say if Taurus and Gemini are compatible?" Sehyoon wondered. Junhee pulled out his phone.

"They say it takes time for the two signs, but eventually they do work."

"Do you want to get married one day?" Sehyoon blurted. 

Junhee laughed next to him. "I can't say I never thought about it" His tone was gentle and considerate. "But, you don't want to marry me. You could probably do better."

"What do you mean, do better?" Sehyoon insisted. "I wasn't aware that there was someone better than you."

"You're like a king Yoonie, dating some commoner" Junhee joked.

"Jun, you don't actually think that right?"

"Well yeah, everyone says it."

"Junhee Park, you are the definition of perfect, whoever says-" Sehyoon started.

"I was kidding Sehyoon, calm down" Junhee laughed. 

 

Sehyoon got dragged to the dollar store by Junhee to help Yuchan go "Back to School" shopping! Or, as everyone else knows it, the worst part of the year. He mostly hung around the entrance to the store and gave his opinion whenever Yuchan asked what color notebook he should get. Sehyoon almost fell asleep standing a few times, but Yuchan was adorable, and seeing his face light up everytime he saw a puppy sticker made up for it.

Junhee looked different. Maybe the eye bags that started to form. Or the hollow look in his eyes. The forced laugh could hint at it too.

"Are you feeling okay?" 

"Never better."

 

Watching Food Network until 7 A.M is part of Sehyoon's weekly routine, nothing can stop it sometimes. It's 3:04 and just as Sehyoon is about to click onto the next episode, his phone buzzes.

_**Jun-03:04** _

_hey, you awake?_

**_Yoonie_ **

_yeah, what's up?_

**_Jun-03:08_ **

_can we talk?_

_it's nothing serious or anything_

_I just missed you~_

**_Yoonie_ **

_what are you even doing up?_

**_Jun-03:11_ **

_couldn't sleep_

**_Yoonie_ **

_Should I call you?_

**_Jun-03:13_ **

_Yeah_

"You asked me what I'm doing up so late when you're also up super late" Junhee's voice came out slightly rough from the low-quality speakers. "So, why are you up so late?"

"I'm watching weird food videos and trying not to raid the snack cabinet" Sehyoon snickered. "Eunsuh will kill me if I do."

He could hear Junhee give a small laugh. "You need to eat healthier."

"And you need to eat more" Sehyoon nagged, thinking about how small Jun's been looking as of late. "You're losing weight, Byeongkwan commented on it."

"I've been working out!"

"Are you planning on wooing anyone while I'm away?"

"I just want to look better than you when you come back for breaks" Junhee declared.

The line went quiet. Junhee's soft breathing was the only way Sehyoon could tell the line was still on. He stared at his ceiling fan, watching it rotate in a hypnotizing manner. He already started packing a lot of his things. It was his last week before he heads off to his new "home" for the next few years. Donghun and he were going to leave on Sunday. Sehyoon was already dreading the day.

"You must be nervous about leaving" Junhee muttered. 

"A bit," Sehyoon said. 

"Are you busy tomorrow?" Junhee sounded tired.

"Tomorrow as in today or tomorrow tomorrow?" Sehyoon questioned.

"Tomorrow tomorrow."

"No."

 

For half that Wednesday, Sehyoon spent time packing things and spending time with his family. And for the other half, he spent it with Jun. The old bakery where they had their first date was a location with a lot of nostalgia attached to it. Despite the younger's demands to "eat healthier" they ordered an inhumane amount of chocolate croissants and banana milkshakes.

Junhee was acting like himself. Clapping his hands while laughing and giving Sehyoon shy smiles that seemed genuine. 

There was a nervousness swirling in Sehyoon's stomach as we walked Jun home. He couldn't define it properly. The reality that he was leaving this place was settling in finally, that could explain the nervousness.

"Oh! Before I forget.." Junhee grabbed his backpack and began searching in it. "I want to give you Ocean, so you'll have something to remind you of me." Ocean was Junhee's Bulbasaur plushie that Sehyoon won for him in an arcade game. The younger cherished the plushie. 

"You're acting like it's our last day together, we still have time" Sehyoon cooed, gratefully taking the stuffed animal. Junhee looked at the ground for a second.

"I just didn't want to forget to give it to you," Junhee replied. 

Kissing Junhee still gave him butterflies. The nervousness wasn't subsiding, if anything it was growing now.

"I love you so much Sehyoon" Junhee beamed. His eyes filled with affection. Sehyoon could only hope to reciprocate the joy. "You have no idea how proud I am of you for everything."

_Something is wrong._

"I love you too" Sehyoon responded, not wanting to fully say goodbye yet. "I'll be back here before you know it!"

_It feels wrong! Ask him what's going on._

"Goodnight Yoonie, actually go to sleep this time."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." Junhee froze in front of his door and visibly gulped.

_Say something! He isn't okay! Why aren't you doing anything?_

"Love you!"

Sehyoon made it home in one piece. He wanted to go back, to stay over for the night to make sure that Jun's safe.

But...Junhee isn't like that. He..he isn't suicidal. That..no..he is just being paranoid.

 

4:43 A.M. It's one of the weird times where his body decides to wake up for no reason. He wants to go back to sleep but he also wants to see if there are any new weird videos regarding the creation of hamburgers.

1 missed call from Jun and 1 voicemail left at 4:31.

What was he doing awake at 4 A.M?

"Hi Yoon, it's really early, I know. I don't know why I called you, it wouldn't have been ideal if you picked up..Anyways, I know I have a time limit so I am going to keep it brief" Sehyoon turned the volume up. "I want to say thank you. I don't know why someone so sweet and kind would settle down for me, I really don't. Donghun always jokes about me being madly in love with you, and I mean...he is right. I really love you, Sehyoon Kim." A random declaration of love. "A-and I'm sorry. It's stupid of me not to tell you guys that I wasn't feeling like myself. I know you are going to blame yourself but please don't. I don't know if anything could've stopped me at this point."

_I'm sorry? For what?_

"Where all of this came from, I can't say. But please, for me, don't think it was your fault. Be happy okay Yoonie? I want you to be happy and I..I'm really sorry. I held on for as long as I could. I love you.." The voicemail ended.

Junhee was all alone. Not feeling great. Apologizing profusely. 

_I held on for as long as I could_

The voicemail was only sent 15 minutes ago. It can't be too late to do something, anything! Sehyoon could fix this, he could help. Sehyoon bolted out of his house, fumbling with the front door lock. He ran to Junhee's house. Right before he could knock on the door, he could hear the scream of Mr. Park.

It..he was too late, wasn't he?

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, this was just supposed to be about a Sejun late night adventure. It was supposed to end after they fell asleep at the train station but my brain got carried away. The idea of Jun being sad makes my heart physically hurt, so I wanted to torture myself and continued writing it.  
> Also, comeback time!


End file.
